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Empty Cup. #PaulArden

Empty Cup. #PaulArden

Tags: paularden
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#MirandaJuly, as always, talks to me.

#MirandaJuly, as always, talks to me.

Tags: mirandajuly
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Top of My Head Top 20 Album Titles

Because I need to take a break from working:

  1. Coldplay - Parachutes
  2. Up Dharma Down - Capacities
  3. John Mayer - Battle Studies
  4. Dave Matthews Band - Before These Crowded Streets
  5. Fleetwood Mac - Rumours
  6. Chvrches - The Bones of What You Believe
  7. Allo Darlin’ - We Come From the Same Place
  8. Imago - Probably Not, But Most Definitely
  9. Howie Day - Stop All The World Now
  10. The Strokes - Room On Fire
  11. Iron and Wine - Our Endless Numbered Days
  12. Joshua Radin - We Were Here
  13. Lorde - Pure Heroine
  14. Naked and Famous - Passive Me, Agressive You
  15. Lisa Hannigan - Passenger
  16. Muse - Absolution
  17. Alanis Morissette - Under Rug Swept
  18. Belle and Sebastian - I’m Waking Up To Us
  19. Damien Rice - O
  20. Gin Blossoms - Congratulations I’m Sorry

OK. Back to work.

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A few years ago, I ate a sandwich made of panini bread, silantro, vinaigrette, some other things and shredded bagnet. I only had it once, but the taste is still in the memory of my mouth and I’ve been craving it for the past couple of weeks. Sometimes, I even dream about it. I want to have another one so bad.

Is this what they call true love?

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Hitched

So. I got married today.

Sort of.

Earlier this afternoon my younger CW kids threw a surprise bridal-shower-slash-wedding for me with a Cheese Ring, well, ring as an engagement ring, a wedding gown and bouquet made out of toilet paper rolls and masking tape, a laptop for a bible, three breakfast packs of Fruit Loops as wedding rings and three packs of Hershey’s Kisses as (you guessed it) kisses. They married me off to John Mayer and Beyonce and Taylor Swift, hence the things that came in threes. (Such is their humor. I’m pretty sure most of their research was done with this particular tumblr account.) But in fairness, they got a big-ass bag of rose petals to basically just throw whenever and wherever and however they wanted to. 

At the end of the ceremony, they then named me “Mrs. Mayer-Knowles-Swift-Matias”. I love it how my love for hyphens is reflected in my new surname.

It was a very sweet and funny - bordering on ridiculous - gesture which I appreciated very much. It’s seriously one of the most “aaawww” things that has ever happened to me and I mean it when I say that I will never forget this particular day. How often do you get a free wedding, amoiroight?

However, I don’t think they understood the effect of throwing a wedding bash to a 28-year-old single-as-one-of-those-individually-wrapped-sanitary-napkins-single woman’s brain. While the whole bridal march was happening (oh yes, they assigned ring bearers and flower girls and bridesmaids and even got one of my senior students to walk me down the aisle a.k.a. that space from the hallway leading to the classroom blackboard as my “dad” [again, in fairness, she’s as tall as my father was tall]), the only thing going through my mind was “UNIVERSE WHAT IS THIS YOU’VE BEEN SENDING ME SO MANY MIXED SIGNALS LATELY I CAN’T HELP BUT CONCLUDE THAT YOU’RE PISS-DRUNK AND FUCKING WITH ME.”

But that’s just me and my whole Millenial Generation’s communal issues about marriage and commitment and reading something into everything. We freak out at the very thought of spending our lives with just one person, and we enjoy freaking out about it. But that’s our problem. My kids ain’t got nothing to do with it. And I’m pretty sure they’re not aware of it. I’ll let them figure this one out for themselves, or until they hit the age of 25.

The whole thing would have freaked me out completely if they didn’t end it with letting me know in their own words how much they enjoyed being in my class, even if almost half of them are very new students. A handful of them even said that they sort of want to be like me when they grow up.

It’s super cheesy, but hearing someone younger say that she wants to be like you when she grows up really means a lot.

I could do a laundry list of all my current issues with myself, henceforth-ing why that means a lot, but let’s just put it this way: Hey, I must be doing something right, right?. My Making-It-Up-As-I-Go-Along system I’ve been working with for the past 17 years might not be so bad if I start connecting the dots backwards.

Setting aside the “all you do is work or space out and your standards are impossibly high that’s why you’re alooone” factor, I’m thinking, maybe what the universe is really trying to tell me, after all, is that I’m gonna be just fine.

Chat
  • Random Person: What do you want to be when you grow up?
  • 5-year-old Surot: A scientist!
  • Random Person: What do you want to be when you grow up?
  • 11-year-old Surot: A lawyer!
  • Random Person: What do you want to be when you grow up?
  • 16-year-old Surot: A journalist!
  • Random Person: What do you want to be when you grow up?
  • 28-year-old Surot: BEYONCE, bitch!
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Life-Peg Anna Tsuchiya werkin’ that Billabong rashguard. #annatsuchiya #wcw

Life-Peg Anna Tsuchiya werkin’ that Billabong rashguard. #annatsuchiya #wcw

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Shiny ❤️ #firefly #serenity

Shiny ❤️ #firefly #serenity

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Sorta-throwback: @johnmayer’s first album is the first legit CD I bought. So yeah, you can say he was my first. 😉 #johnmayer #roomforsquares

Sorta-throwback: @johnmayer’s first album is the first legit CD I bought. So yeah, you can say he was my first. 😉 #johnmayer #roomforsquares

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I just woke up from this really weird dream where I was talking to my mom and she knew she was dead but she wasn’t exactly a ghost in this context, more like she was taking me through the short span of time when she and my dad were still alive. It was pretty fun, because I felt like I was watching a documentary on us, or more specifically on my parents, and even more specifically on parents who just really tried so hard and did everything they could for this one little daughter while trying to repair the damages caused by the choices they have made before they had the daughter they thought would never come. The struggle of holding on for as long as they possibly can although they already knew how the story would end. There was a part where my dad kept on apologizing to my mom and I, going “I’m really sorry, I know that my choices are what ruined our life.” And my mom, that face, that smile that looks a lot like mine, accepts and forgives without a word.